Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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