The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
