i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
