Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I am naked and annoyed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize