Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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