we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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