i just wanna soil my oats bro
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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