Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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