hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want her autograph on my taint
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
