Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
