I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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