he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
