I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
