My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
