I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
