he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
