About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
