I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
They left me at home... I'm a liability
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
