i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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