I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
