I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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