I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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