It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
