My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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