Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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