Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
