This is not my ceiling
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
