So drunk its hurt
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
