I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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