wakey wakey hands off snakey
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
