I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was born a porn star she said
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
