youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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