Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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