Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
