We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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