oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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