It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
