Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
