A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
