I love black thongs
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
