Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
