Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize