You really coming over, don't trick.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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