Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
