I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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