So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
