At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Drunk is not a location!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
