living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I want a musical about memes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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