Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
