so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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