Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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