3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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