is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
