I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
