I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
