Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
