Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
