he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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